Just Stay
- May 2
- 3 min read
Yes, it has been a while since I posted. Let me explain why.
The last 3 months have been a little overwhelming for me, for several reasons. My anxiety level has been off the chain; it is just a part of being human. Yes, I am a woman of strong faith. Yes, I talk to Jesus every day, multiple times a day. Why would my anxiety level be so high? Because I am not perfect and sometimes the devil knows exactly where to insert himself into your life. And it usually starts with a personal attack on your own mind. For example, I had plans to retire this year on my 62nd birthday and just concentrate on Be Still My Heart Ministries. Well, that was ‘my plans,’ but not God’s!
I was really frustrated having to change ‘my’ plans. I have been working since I was a teenager, whether on the farm or at the movie theater as a cashier. I worked my way through college, working two PT jobs. I have worked all my life. And when I worked, I worked as unto God just like it says in Colossians 3:23-24. “Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.” I always gave the best that I could give to whomever employed me.
About two years ago, I started Be Still My Heart Ministries. I had BIG plans, to write inspirational messages, to serve community, and to bear witness to all that God had done for me and my family. I had real-life testimonies that I could share to encourage others; an unexpected divorce and loss of financial stability, my near-death experience when my youngest son was born, and the tragic loss of my middle son, just to name a few. I am a living, breathing testimony!
But I also had wonderful stories to tell about raising three boys who changed the world around them in a positive way, the blessings of God’s provision when there was more month at the end of the money as a single parent, and the gift of teaching hundreds of children and teenagers about our great God! In my mind, it has been a great life, especially after finding the love of my life, Robert, and seeing my boys find wonderful wives and start families of their own. I had started a ministry but did not have the time or resources to keep it constantly flowing like I had planned. I could not understand why I could not dedicate my all to the ministry and it broke my heart. I was frustrated, wanting to do, ready to do, but could not do the things I felt God calling me to do.
Why could I not follow through with my plans, especially if it were to serve Him? It just did not make sense. For the last 3 months I have been seeking God’s divine wisdom, trying to figure out God’s plan for my life in this season. Had I missed His call? Did I misinterpret it? I prayed. I worshipped. I listened for His voice. Nothing. Radio silence. Not a thing for weeks. That is when my anxiety peaked and I started questioning everything in my life. Was I still connected to Him? Had I moved out of range? What was the problem and how could I fix it?
Still, only silence. Then one day on my way to work, I heard a song by Zahriya Zachary called Stay. Tears ran down my face. That is what God had been trying to tell me! Stay tethered to Him until He closes the space between us. He asked me to give Him my seconds, my minutes, my hours, and my all. It does not matter what my plans are anymore. If I keep my head on His chest, I will be able to hear His heartbeat. I must place my hand in His hand so He can lead, for He goes before me (Deuteronomy 31:6). His love is without condition. Only He knows my soul.
Now I have re-awakened to the realization that He places me where He needs me when He needs me. Psalm 37:7 reminds us to be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him and fret not.
I must simply be obedient. So, until He calls me home, I will work as unto the Lord, doing whatever He calls me to do, when He calls me, and where He calls me. And when it is His time, I will rest in His arms knowing that I totally abided in Him. In the meantime, I will hold on to all that He is, and I will STAY!
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