Forever Changed: Finding Yourself

HIDING PLACE:  Today you are going to do something a little different in your journey to find your new self.   Go back to your secret place from yesterday and look at yourself again in the bathroom mirror.  Have you started to see a new sparkle of hope in your eyes? If you don’t see a small flicker of hope in your eyes today, don’t give up.  God is rebuilding your heart. It just takes time.   

If you do see a small sparkle of hope in your eyes, what touched your soul the most from the last session?  How did this revelation of hope manifest itself in your life today? Stand firmly on that hope as you find out more about yourself in today’s lesson.  Do you want to feel bitter, or do you want to feel better?

TODAY’S GOAL:  Explore who you are from God’s perspective and determine what positive qualities you have

TODAY’s FOCUS:  Yesterday’s lesson was really emotional for you as you recalled your life-changing event.  Hopefully your study time led you to understand that you will never understand why ‘it’ happened.  You have to accept that ‘it’ happened and there was nothing that you could do to change that.   You may not yet fully accept that ‘it’ was in God’s plan for your life, but peace will begin to come as you continue pouring out your to Him. 

Even if you do not see His plan for your life now, you will.  You may still feel broken and confused.  But tonight, you will explore who you are in God’s eyes and determine what is special about you, the wonderful person that God created for this specific moment in time.  Let’s face it.  You are not the same person you were before ‘it’ happened.  You have been changed forever.  And believe it or not, the change it created in you will be for the better.  I understand because I did not believe it either.  But today I can look back on multiple times that God allowed me to minister to someone else who struggled just like I did. Realizing that God can now use you to walk others through similar journeys can be mind boggling because you don’t feel strong at all!  But you can be the person you wish you had with you when you were trying to survive your “it” situation. That life-changing experience will now become a lifeline for someone else.  But to get strong enough to help others, you have to prepare for it.  And that is how this Bible study was birthed. My life changed forever when I lost my son.  I have poured my heart out in this study so that maybe it will help others who face overwhelming challenges. Let’s dive in by listening to your inspirational song for tonight.  Please meditate on every word.

SONG & ARTIST:  You Say by Lauren Daigle

FOCUS SCRIPTURE:  “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a hold nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”  I Peter 2:9 (NIV)

No matter how down you feel, the words in this song can deeply minister to your soul.  God says He gives you strength.  God says you find your identify in Him.  God says you are His when you feel like you don’t belong anywhere.  Take all you have and lay it at His feet. 

Let’s play the song again and this time, sing the words out loud so you can hear yourself speak God’s message into your life.  What kind of emotion does this song trigger in you?  What is one key take-away that you get from this song?  Remember, God loves YOU just the way you are, even when you feel broken and confused.  He has so much good in store for you!  You just have to keep moving forward in the healing process and trust His Plan.  Even when you can’t touch His hands with yours, you have to trust Him with your heart! 

Sometimes, the most difficult part of moving forward is accepting that what happened cannot be changed.  I remember how confused I was when my son, Corey died at such a young age during the prime of his life.  He had finished college with two degrees and had just started his own business.  Things had just started looking up for him.  He was becoming successful with his new business and had finally started making a little money.  Corey was so funny and was such an inspiration to his younger brother who was also in college.  They often encouraged each other through those long days at school and long nights at work.  Corey was a wonderful brother who made sure his little brother had all that he needed. 

After ‘it’ happened, I sat in my puddle of tears and asked God why did my youngest son have to endure the loss of his big brother during such a critical time in his college studies?  Why did I have to tell my oldest son living in another state that his brother died at the hands of an impaired driver?  Why did I have to tell my elderly parents that their grandson was unexpectedly killed that night?  The more I thought about it, the more heartbroken and confused I became.  I was lost and did not know how to begin healing.  But I did know, that if God leads me to something, He will lead me through it too.  Healing is a process that takes time.

One afternoon, about six months after the accident, I was sitting in my outdoor swing.  I literally cried out loud to God. It was the first time I had even thought about talking to Him since ‘it’ happened.  I told Him how betrayed I felt and that I did not even know if I wanted to trust Him anymore. That I felt as though my whole life serving Him had been in vain.  Everything I believed about my faith in Him was turned upside down when my son died.  I know you can’t believe I was fussing at God.  But, yes, I was terribly honest with Him, after all, He already knew what I was thinking so I figured if I said it out loud it would make a difference.  I just sat there and squalled, one of those nasty, snot flying, cries.

When I quit sobbing and blaming Him for not stepping in to keep ‘it’ from happening, I just sat there wondering if He would ever want to talk to me again.   Suddenly, I felt a small, subtle breeze pass over my face.  It was like He was sending His angels to me to quieten my soul. I just sat there with tears rolling down my face.  If felt like He wrapped His arms around me and just held me tight.  He listened to the cry of my heart.  Then I started to settle down.  It was like my tears started drying up.  A sweet peace came over me, one that I could not explain.  It was a peace that I had not felt since Corey’s death. 

This was a turning point for me, the moment I realized that there was nothing I could do to change what happened.  It was the moment I realized that only God understands the ‘why’ and that no matter if He explained the reason to me, I would not really understand it.  I sat there quietly trying to accept that I was going to have to live through this tragic event, whether I wanted to or not.  Suicide was not an option.  God allowed me to remain here on earth for a reason, and I had to figure out why.  

First, I had to accept that I was no longer the same person.  I was not even sure who I was anymore.  I even questioned what I truly believed in now?  How could I encourage others to believe in His saving grace and protection when I felt defeated? That night I sat down in the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, just like you did.  I begin to reassess who I was now, post tragedy.  My eyes looked the same color, but they were so tired and puffy.  When I looked deeply into my eyes, I saw a soul that was shattered.  My face was much thinner, covered with weariness.  My smile was completely gone, and my face looked vacated.  My nose was red and raw from using all the tissues to catch those uncontrollable tears.  I just stared into the mirror.  In front of me was a completely different person, one who had to be rediscovered.  I was broken all the way down to my foundational beliefs. 

Trying to understand God’s will in my life and who I am now was very intimidating.  I felt like I could not move forward when my will to live was gone.  I begged God to show me what He saw in me.  I wanted to see a glimmer of hope in my eyes again.  I wanted a smile to return to my face and less puffy eyes so I could see life again. It was very hard as I began to explore who the new me was.  All the brain fog kept my mind wandering back to the tragedy.  How could I ever be the encouraging person I used to be?  I wanted to be whole again, but I did not know how to do that or even how to begin.  But praise God, He still saw potential! 

The desire to discover the new me was there but I was so lost.   I was so scared to put my heart out there again because I never want to feel that awful hurt and despair again.  So, being fleshly and carnal, I decided to bargain with God.  That made sense, right?  I told Him I would make baby steps if He would restore the old me.  It sounded good to me at the time. 

But then He gently reminded me that He was with me, and that the old me was gone forever.  God told me that He had more for me to do, just like He did for Job in the Bible.  If He can restore all that Job lost (family, friends, wealth), then He could do it for me too.  He promised to carry me through.  But I had to trust Him during the healing process.

I remembered a story I heard as a child about footprints in the sand and related it to my situation.  The path in the sand started with two sets of footprints, mine, and God’s.  But when ‘it’ happened, one set of footprints completely disappeared.  I felt like He had left me during the most difficult time of my life.  But what I did not realize at the time, was that the single set of footprints was His footprints.  He carried me through the most difficult time in my life.  That is powerful!  He carried ME when I had no strength to go on.  He was ALL the strength I needed, especially when I was so weak. Praise God!

As you begin this new journey, remember, God will be with you with each step that you make.  And if you feel like you can’t take a step at all, He will lift you in His strong arms and carry you.  When you are weak or feel overwhelmed, He will always be your strength.  That is one of His great promises!  You must stand on that promise, every day.  Allow Him to be your guide as you begin to move forward, one step at a time.  “I lift up my eyes to the mountains, where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2 NKJV)

PERSONAL REFLECTION:   Again, think about the words of tonight’s song.  You are God’s precious child, no matter what happened or what may happen in the future.  You are who He says you are!  Do not let the devil make you look back at what hurt you.   Memories will always be a part of your life, but you cannot dwell on them and relive the sad ones over and over.  Cherish the good memories. Today is a new day and your God is walking beside you as you navigate a new normal for yourself.  He loves you like you are and sees great potential in you! You must look toward Him now.  

 Draw a circle on a piece of paper. Inside the circle, draw you as God sees you.  Perhaps you could play tonight’s inspirational song as you draw! The circle below is meant to help you focus your thoughts inside of a circle.  Sketch a reflection of you as a child of the King!  If you don’t feel like an artist, simply draw a stick person.  Label your eyes, ears, mouth, hands, and feet.  Draw a smile on your face.  Draw a heart of hope in your chest.  Be sure to draw a crown upon your head sweet child of God!  How beautiful that God created you to be you—no one else is like you. 

What did God reveal to you about His love for you through this song and today’s artwork?

Was there anything that surprised you?

How will you use what you have learned today to step forward with the new you?

PRAYER:

God, thank you for forming me in Your image.  Thank you for my family, friends, church family, and work family.  Thank you for meeting me right where I am, broken and confused. I am listening to Your word during our quiet time.  I know that you created me to prosper and to do your work. I am your chosen child, your special possession, and I want to declare Your praises!  God, please reveal Your purpose in my life and guide me each step of the way as I move forward in Your will.   Let me live intentionally as one of Your chosen children, mindful of Your grace, mercy, and love.  Touch my mind so I can guard my ears, my eyes, and my body as I begin to serve You.  Please deposit your spirit in me and keep me focused on Your will, Your way.  Provide me with Your strength and give me a passion for living life again. Help me find Your purpose for me.  As I lay my heart down at Your feet, Lord, please hold me close to You.  Amen.