Expectations of Love

Now that Valentine’s Day has passed, I want you to think about how your day went. Maybe you were showered with flowers and chocolates or maybe you received a beautiful and thoughtful card. Or perhaps you did not receive anything.  Everybody had expectations of what they felt they deserved on the day of love. Some have no expectations as they may be single or have limited funds. Whatever your situation was, there was some type of expectation. In today’s blog, I want to talk about “expectations of love”.

If you are dating someone on Valentine’s Day, you expect beautiful flowers, a sweet card, and your favorite candy.  You may even expect to eat out at a fancy restaurant as a public demonstration of love.  If you are married, your expectations may lessen from getting material things to the thought of how sexy he or she looks when they help you wash dishes, fold clothes, rub your tired feet, or tend to the kids so you can rest.  Then, when you are in your senior years, you simply hope the other person will acknowledge it is Valentine’s Day and say, “I love you”. 

But what happens when your expectations do not come to fruition? If you are dating, you are probably devastated and may even break up with the other person if they did not shower you with your material expectations of love.  If you are married, you may dismiss the day of love as just another day. Not a big deal.  But if you are in your senior years, you are simply grateful that God allowed you to spend another Valentine’s Day with your soulmate. Our perspective changes based on the season of life that we are in.

One of my favorite scriptures about love is in I Corinthians 13:4-8. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Each phrase is simply stated and full of meaning. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love never fails. Nowhere in that scripture does it mention fancy meals or over-priced flowers. God knew exactly what love was because He gave the greatest gift of love that anyone could imagine. God gave His only Son to die for our sins, on an old rugged cross symbolizing a sacrificial love, even for people who do not love Him back. If you are not a Christian, you might not understand the magnitude of such love.  Could you imagine giving your only child as a sacrifice for the world’s sins? God’s agape love is the highest form of love, an unconditional and empathic love for all humans.

Now, let us flip the script on expectations of love; after all, love is about perspective.  Ask yourself, “how did I show love to others”? Were you patient?  Were you kind?  Did you dishonor others? Did you rejoice in truth? Did you protect, trust, and give hope? Did you avoid envy? Wow! That personal reflection sure puts things into perspective. How did you measure up with the expectations that you had for the other person? Why should we expect more of others than we do ourselves? We should not expect others to say or do things that we would not do ourself.

We have talked about our expectations of love but let us transition to His expectations of love. God loves you, unconditionally. When someone loves you unconditionally, you know that no matter what you say or do, you are still loved. Because you are saved, God grants you eternal life with Him after you die. God shows His love through provision. Not only did He create this beautiful world and everything on it, but He also provides for our needs, both physical and spiritual. He also guides our steps everyday with His gift of the Holy Spirit dwelling in us.  He loves spending time with us through a personal relationship of prayer, reading His Word, and worshipping with music. And most importantly, God forgives us when we mess up if we truly confess our sins and promise to follow Him.  His mercy and grace are infinite.  God is totally committed to you and will never leave you alone. Even when no one else listens, God will always want to hear what is on your heart.  Abiding in Him brings peace that surpasses all understanding. 

Now, let us flip the script again.  How do YOU show love for God? Ouch! That question may have hurt a little bit. But seriously, how do you show your love for God?  Does your life reflect God’s love for others? First, you should "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and might" (Deuteronomy 6:5).  If you do that, then love for others will come very naturally. I John 4:7 reminds you that we should love one another, for love is from God. And verse 19 says we should love because He first loved us.  As children of God, we can show our love for God by caring for others, loving them unconditionally, praying for them continuously, and always obeying God’s commandments. Now I do not know about you, but there are some people I must love at an arm’s distance in order to protect my own peace.  But I must love them, unconditionally, not requiring anything of them. If I abide in God and my personal relationship with Him is like it should be, then loving others is easy. Nevertheless, we are not to judge others, but love them, even through difficult or hurtful times. Loving like that takes strength. And strength like that comes directly from being in God’s presence. We must forgive, accept, and honor others, putting others before ourselves. 

Remember, actions speak louder than words. Jesus taught this concept in Matthew 7 by using an analogy of a tree and the fruit it bears. An apple tree should not produce pumpkins. And palm trees should not produce acorns. The fruit of the tree should bear witness to the type of person you are. And this all goes back to I Corinthians13:4-8: 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Step back and look at how you handle things.  Are you patient? Are you kind?  Do you delight in evil or are easily angered? If so, reconnect with God. Get in His face and ask Him to renew your mind and spirit so that you can reflect on His love before others, always. Matthew 12:34 states “for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. What does this mean? If your heart is pure and in alignment with God’s word, then your first response to any situation will be done in love. If there are areas where you might slip up and say or think hurtful things, then clean out those parts of your heart. For a person’s words and actions reflect their inner thoughts and feelings. It is easy to tell the spirit of another person by looking at the fruit of their spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruits of the spirit as “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance”. In this crazy world, it is difficult to have a perfect balance of these spiritual fruits, but through your personal relationship with God, you can restore any deficiencies that may exist. It is something for which we should strive.

Remember, when you were saved, God gifted you with the Holy Spirit. Therefore, God resides in your temple, your body, so we must keep our heart and minds clean. Throughout the day, listen to yourself and watch your actions. Is your love for God reflected through all you say and do? 

Aww, expectations of love. How fitting that God loves us unconditionally so we can love others unconditionally. Be reminded that God’s love is unfailing and steadfast. Paul tells us in I Corinthians 13:7 that “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes in all things, and endures all things.” Love can conquer anything; we just must love and love like we want to be loved.

 LifeSong by Casting Crowns

*I do not own the rights to this music or video.